duo

I’m defining crush as a strong sense of attraction for no apparent reason that doesn’t last very long (less than a month in my case).

===Elementary School===

刘畅 - 我不记得了。但是后来小学同学聚会的时候被提到说好像是喜欢过，但具体小时候究竟有没有喜欢，我记不太清楚了。我只记得小学的时候他是班上的体育委员，很喜欢踢足球。后来的聚会慢慢地感觉他很够朋友、性格不拘小节、喜欢开玩笑。哎，童年一去不复返。

Ryan or Brian - I can’t remember his last name.. nor his first name. But I’ve narrowed it down to either Ryan or Brian. He’s not the most popular guy in the class, often quiet, has his own group of friends. I’ve never even talked to him in class in my memory. I remember Tracy asking me what do I see in this guy and I replied with I don’t really know. I think it began when I watched him playing basketball. He reminded me of my cousin, which then reminded me of everything in Beijing. He has blond hair and blue eyes, pale and skinny, not very tall. Yes, I still don’t know why I had a crush on him.. But I do remember jotting down his number wanting to call him after school but eventually hid the number behind the poster in my bedroom..

===High School===

David Tingle - I had this crush for a day while dating boyfriend Jonathan. I think I was crying in Physics class and he sang my all time favorite song Green Eyes by Coldplay to me. So yea.. the magic of music. It didn’t last very long though, the feelings faded as I went to bed that night. David has the prettiest blue eyes I’ve ever seen though. Damn, I wish I can have them..

===University===

Albert Chau - He’s my Calculus Professor. I couldn’t remember his name, so I went on ratemyprofessors.com to find him (He’s being rated very high with a hot chili beside his name). Erm.. yea.. I’m not weird.. I think I developed the crush after watching A Beautiful Mind with Tracy. The idea of dating a math prof just became so wonderful over that movie. There are various occasions of flirting using words of wisdom between John Nash and his student soon to be wife (or you can simply call them being nerdy). But at that time I was completely drawn to the idea that math can be very romantic. I’ve actually attempted to pursue my crush by attending to his class even though I’m not supposed to go to his class (I belong to the other section). I then went to his after class office hours just before the midterm to “ask him questions”. After the other student was gone (I really wished he wasn’t there to begin with), we started talking about non math related stuff. Hmm.. I think we talked about KungFu related movies, books, etc. This led him on to mention that he went to a party and met NiKuang’s son. He also showed me a photo of him with the guy and his wife (apparently she’s a celebrity in Hong Kong).

Ruosi - Again, I don’t remember his last name. He’s my cousin’s friend from Beijing. A international student, I believe. Much older than me.. oh wait, I guess I shouldn’t say that after the crush with my math prof.. But yea, I don’t know why I had a crush on him. He was playing table tennis when I first met him. I guess I just thought he was cute and that he’s adventurous because he went to Mexico for exchange student. But yea, this crush didn’t last very long..

OMG was that ALL there WAS? Damn, I’m such a boring person. I thought I’d have more crushes than this. But as I dig through my memory, it seems like this is all there was. My other crushes either developed into something more serious or was too brief and wasn’t memorable enough to stick in my memory. Maybe others can fill me in on this. Because I definitely thought there would be more…

As I mentioned before, I feel like I’ve grown apart with my friends in China. And the further away I am, surprisingly the more vivid they become in my memory. For example the recent Sex and the City movie stirred up so many thoughts of my childhood friend Wang Ying. You’d be surprised to hear that the very first time I heard of the show Sex and the City was on a school bus ride home in Grade 8 in Vancouver. Guess what I thought it was? I over heard my two friends talking about it on the bus and I was too shy to ask them about it because I thought they were talking about PORN!

I’m not kidding…

I was thinking OMG they’re brother and sisters, why are they talking about PORN?!

I thought it’d be too weird to ask them about it, so I kept that thought to myself. I was being reintroduced to the show a year later by Wang Ying while I was spending my summer in Beijing. She was in love with the show back then, I’m not so sure if she still is now. But I do remember her wanting to buy a necklace with “Carrie” on it.

The moment Wang Ying popped into my head, a few other episodes of encounters with her stepped through. I remember one summer going back to visit her, she had a poster of soccer player Beckham on her washroom door. I asked if she likes him and she replied, “Hell no, why do you think it’s on the washroom door?” and then she told me that she got it as a gift. The same summer, I went over again to hang out and I noticed that the poster located to her bedroom door. So I asked her if she likes him now, she replied, “Well, the guy I’m having a crush on likes him so he’s on my bedroom door now.”

Another scene that sort of got stuck in my head is when I offered her a sneaky trick. This was back in another summer I went back, but I’m not exactly sure which summer it was. She came with me to a book market to grab some reads. Before we left her house, her mom gave her some money and told her to buy a studying guide and mentioned that she could keep the rest of the money for other purchases. When we got there, she couldn’t find any study guide that she think will be useful. I told her to just the cheapest study guide and keep the rest of the money for other uses. (Yes, I’m sneaky like that..) But guess what she said? “Huh? Why? I didn’t see anything I like. I’ll just give her back all the money she gave me.”

When I was still studying in Beijing, I hung out with Wang Ying a lot. She always strike me as someone who’s got it all. She has the family that I’ve always wanted. She not just lives with loving parents, but I can see just how happy they are together. It’s not the fake happiness, it’s real, I can sense it when her mom offers to cook for us for dinner, I can sense it when her dad comes home late from work and still comes by to say hi, I can sense it whenever she wanted something her parents would go get it for her, whether it’s a computer or a rabbit or a dog. I wanted all of that as a kid, but I never got any of that. Well, I guess I do get some of that, but it’s being segmented into pieces. Like I’d get homemade breakfast by mom, on occasional weekends.

Nowadays I don’t really talk to her at all anymore. I don’t even remember when was the last time I saw her, maybe 4 years ago? The closest connection we have is through xiaonei, how pathetic is that? But as I said before, there’s no way to touch base through emails or msn anyway. I’ll just have to wait till I see her again.. maybe she’ll still be as funny as giving as I remembered her by.. or she might be completely changed to someone I can’t even recognize…